Friday, April 20, 2012

A Mother's Day Tribute to my Mother







I thank you mom for all the times you made me get up to watch the sun rise.
  I learned about the magnificent glory of God and the order of the universe.                                                                                                                                                                                                        

I thank you mom for all the times you made me help in the vegetable garden
and canning for the winter.
I learned about nature and the future which depended on the harvest.

I thank you mom for all the times you made me sit in church on Sunday.
I learned about God and self-discipline, even if the sermons were
boring, as they sometimes were.

I thank you mom for all the times you stood your ground and dared
to say no when my pleas and whines were not in my best interest.

I thank you mom for all the times you made me work by your side.
I learned to give a full day’s work, even if the wages were unfair.
I learned responsibility and the work ethic.

I thank you mom for making me the person I became.
You were always my guardian angel.

I thank you most for your unconditional love.
I was blessed to be touched by you.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Love is Good Medicine

                                                   

                                                    By G. T. Turner Finney



In 1991 Fred Singer’s book, Change Your Mind, Save Your Life, arrived in the mail. The book focused on the mind, body health-connection. What fascinated me about the book were the 28 Life Cards which captured the essence of psychological research into health and longevity and the Ode to the Centenarian.

       Life Card #12 is attached to my refrigerator door. It states simply:
Love your parents, Love your spouse, Love your children, Love your work,
Love your friends, Love your community, Love God.

In a romantic sense, we are inundated by the idea of love in songs, soap
operas, movies, and romantic novels. Love is highly valued. Everybody wants
love. Couples search for it through marriage. It’s like a quest for the Holy Grail. Yet, half of all U.S. marriages end in divorce. Does this mean the divorcing couples fell out of love? Did they look for love in the wrong places?

 To love is a tall order. Christians are instructed: to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind, (Matthew 22:37) to love our neighbors as ourselves (Mark 12:31), and to love our enemies. (Luke 6:35) Do we really know how to do this? Do we have the capacity? Where do we learn? What is love?

The American Heritage Dictionary defines love as an intense affection for another
person based on familial or personal ties. When I engaged a friend and professional colleague, Nick, in a dialogue about love, he shared with me his understanding of love
from a spiritual sense as “the giving away of ourselves to others without expecting anything in return. We have to see and feel love from within, he said. “Love is the feeling of the presence of God within who is the embodiment of love. Love comes from a spiritual relationship with God who first loved us. As a result we are able to love people as they are.” Obviously, my friend is speaking about God inspired unconditional love.

 To gain a broader perspective, it is necessary to consider other views and
dimensions of love. The renowned psychoanalyst, Erich Fromm, in
 The Art of Loving, provides insight into five objects of love: maternal love,
brotherly love, erotic love, self-love, and love of God. Fromm describes
motherly/fatherly love as unconditional love. “A mother loves her children just because they are her children, not because they are good, obedient, or fulfill her wishes.”  Brotherly love is non-exclusive love, the kind the Bible speaks of when it says “love thou neighbor as thyself.”  Erotic love is a “craving for complete fusion with one other person.” It is exclusive and deceptive because sexual attraction can be mistaken for love. To love someone is not just a strong feeling.
It is a decision, it’s a judgment. It’s a promise. Self-love is “respect for
one’s integrity and uniqueness, it is not narcissism or selfishness.”
 What is significant about Fromm’s work is the intertwining of faith
with love and the profound statement “he who is of little faith is of little love.”
and recognition of lifelong effects of motherly love on the personality.
Fromm states that one can distinguish among children and adults
who only “got milk and those who got “milk and honey.”  Milk symbolizes care and affirmation. Honey symbolizes an attitude of happiness, sweetness and love of life.
 The Bible gives us many facets and images of love:
love edifies, love endures forever, love casts out fear, love covers
a multitude of sins, love is patient and kind, love is the fulfillment
of the law, love is as strong as death. God is love.
Love is the greatest gift elegantly and poetically stated
 in I Corinthians 13:13 “And now abideth faith,
hope, love, these three but the greatest of these is love. Jesus
commanded his disciples to love one another as He loved them.
So, if we love one another God lives in us and his love is
perfected in us. (1 John 4:12)
Yes, love does have therapeutic properties and indeed is good medicine.
Children who grow up in loving, nurturing, and stable homes “usually
grow up to to be happy, healthy and long-lived adults.”
Researcher David McClelland of Harvard University has found
evidence that people who love and care about others have a stronger
immune system, and recover faster from illnesses. Other researchers
tell us that parental love is “preventive medicine and that when
administered in infancy acts as a vaccine to boost our self-esteem,
protect us against diseases, strengthen our egos against disappointments,
failure, rejection, and immunize our psyches against a world that
will assault us.”
 It is no accident that the Divine Creator placed us in families with
parental and kinship ties. Now suppose what would happen if every
child was loved and taught to love by example? Fromm invites us to
visualize the many possibilities of exposing our youth to people who
are loving, have integrity, courage, and concentration. 
  
During my days as a mental health therapist, I remember a psychiatrist
paraphrasing Sigmund Freud, “Everyone needs something to love, something
to do and something to hope for.”  The facts are love, work (a sense of purpose),
and hope sustain life. I would add faith described by Emil Brunner as the
origin of hope and embrace the idea that “work is love made visible.”
  To love is the highest spiritual experience one can obtain through faith. It depends
on our capacity to give up our narcissism, ethnic and racial prejudices, the
things that separate us from each other and God. It requires us to be open
to others, to grow, and to change.