A Mother's Day Tribute to my Mother

I thank you mom for all the times you made me get up to watch the sun rise.
  I learned about the magnificent glory of God and the order of the universe.                                                                                                                                                                                                        

I thank you mom for all the times you made me help in the vegetable garden
and canning for the winter.
I learned about nature and the future which depended on the harvest.

I thank you mom for all the times you made me sit in church on Sunday.
I learned about God and self-discipline, even if the sermons were
boring, as they sometimes were.

I thank you mom for all the times you stood your ground and dared
to say no when my pleas and whines were not in my best interest.

I thank you mom for all the times you made me work by your side.

I learned to give a full day’s work, even if the wages were unfair.
I learned responsibility and the work ethic.

I thank you mom for making me the person I became.
You were always my guardian angel.

I thank you most for your unconditional love.
I was blessed to be touched by you.

Love is Good Medicine

                                                   

                                                    By G. T. Turner Finney

In 1991 Fred Singer’s book, Change Your Mind, Save Your Life, arrived in the mail. The book focused on the mind, body health-connection. What fascinated me about the book were the 28 Life Cards which captured the essence of psychological research into health and longevity and the Ode to the Centenarian.

       Life Card #12 is attached to my refrigerator door. It states simply:

Love your parents, Love your spouse, Love your children, Love your work,
Love your friends, Love your community, Love God.

In a romantic sense, we are inundated by the idea of love in songs, soap

operas, movies, and romantic novels. Love is highly valued. Everybody wants
love. Couples search for it through marriage. It’s like a quest for the Holy Grail. Yet, half of all U.S. marriages end in divorce. Does this mean the divorcing couples fell out of love? Did they look for love in the wrong places?

 To love is a tall order. Christians are instructed: to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind, (Matthew 22:37) to love our neighbors as ourselves (Mark 12:31), and to love our enemies. (Luke 6:35) Do we really know how to do this? Do we have the capacity? Where do we learn? What is love?

The American Heritage Dictionary defines love as an intense affection for another

person based on familial or personal ties. When I engaged a friend and professional colleague, Nick, in a dialogue about love, he shared with me his understanding of love
from a spiritual sense as “the giving away of ourselves to others without expecting anything in return. We have to see and feel love from within, he said. “Love is the feeling of the presence of God within who is the embodiment of love. Love comes from a spiritual relationship with God who first loved us. As a result we are able to love people as they are.” Obviously, my friend is speaking about God inspired unconditional love.

 To gain a broader perspective, it is necessary to consider other views and

dimensions of love. The renowned psychoanalyst, Erich Fromm, in
 The Art of Loving, provides insight into five objects of love: maternal love,
brotherly love, erotic love, self-love, and love of God. Fromm describes

motherly/fatherly love as unconditional love. “A mother loves her children just because they are her children, not because they are good, obedient, or fulfill her wishes.”  Brotherly love is non-exclusive love, the kind the Bible speaks of when it says “love thou neighbor as thyself.”  Erotic love is a “craving for complete fusion with one other person.” It is exclusive and deceptive because sexual attraction can be mistaken for love. To love someone is not just a strong feeling.

It is a decision, it’s a judgment. It’s a promise. Self-love is “respect for

one’s integrity and uniqueness, it is not narcissism or selfishness.”

 What is significant about Fromm’s work is the intertwining of faith

with love and the profound statement “he who is of little faith is of little love.”

and recognition of lifelong effects of motherly love on the personality.

Fromm states that one can distinguish among children and adults

who only “got milk and those who got “milk and honey.”  Milk symbolizes care and affirmation. Honey symbolizes an attitude of happiness, sweetness and love of life.

 The Bible gives us many facets and images of love:

love edifies, love endures forever, love casts out fear, love covers

a multitude of sins, love is patient and kind, love is the fulfillment

of the law, love is as strong as death. God is love.

Love is the greatest gift elegantly and poetically stated

 in I Corinthians 13:13 “And now abideth faith,

hope, love, these three but the greatest of these is love. Jesus

commanded his disciples to love one another as He loved them.

So, if we love one another God lives in us and his love is

perfected in us. (1 John 4:12)

Yes, love does have therapeutic properties and indeed is good medicine.

Children who grow up in loving, nurturing, and stable homes “usually

grow up to to be happy, healthy and long-lived adults.”

Researcher David McClelland of Harvard University has found

evidence that people who love and care about others have a stronger

immune system, and recover faster from illnesses. Other researchers

tell us that parental love is “preventive medicine and that when

administered in infancy acts as a vaccine to boost our self-esteem,

protect us against diseases, strengthen our egos against disappointments,

failure, rejection, and immunize our psyches against a world that

will assault us.”

 It is no accident that the Divine Creator placed us in families with

parental and kinship ties. Now suppose what would happen if every

child was loved and taught to love by example? Fromm invites us to

visualize the many possibilities of exposing our youth to people who

are loving, have integrity, courage, and concentration. 

  

During my days as a mental health therapist, I remember a psychiatrist

paraphrasing Sigmund Freud, “Everyone needs something to love, something

to do and something to hope for.”  The facts are love, work (a sense of purpose),

and hope sustain life. I would add faith described by Emil Brunner as the

origin of hope and embrace the idea that “work is love made visible.”

  To love is the highest spiritual experience one can obtain through faith. It depends

on our capacity to give up our narcissism, ethnic and racial prejudices, the

things that separate us from each other and God. It requires us to be open

to others, to grow, and to change.

We shouldn't get rid of Black History Month

The February 8, 2012 Dayton Daily News posed the question, "Do we still need Black History Month?" to its readers.

Here is my response, published in the February 16, 2012 Letters to the Editor, titled We shouldn't get rid of Black History Month.

Re the question, "Do we still need Black History Month?": The
need for Black History month remains the same as when Dr.
Carter G. Woodson founded Black History Week in 1926. There
is still public education funding disparity where black kids
live, racial wealth disparity, and under-representation of
African-Americans in history books.

Black History Month promotes and enhances, in a significant
and concentrated way, African-Americans' historical and
cultural awareness.

To end Black History Month would be a misguided act.
No racial or ethnic minority can leave the teaching and
dissemination of its history solely to others.

Even with Black History Month, countless African-
Americans had never heard of the contributions and
achievements of the Tuskegee Airmen until the
recently released movie "Red Tails." I suspect the
same lack of knowledge existed for Caucasians,
Hispanics and Asians in this country.

Yes, people are more aware today of the historical
contributions of African-Americans and that is
because of Black History Month. Schools in African-
American communities could do a better job of
teaching black history if they had more funding.

If Black History Month went away, it would be like
the darkness overcoming the light. Black History
Month is a wonderful way to celebrate African-American
history and the richness of diversity in America.

Reflections on the Girl Scouts

On March 12, 2012, the Girl Scouts celebrated its 100th anniversary.
This event stirred a few memories such as seeing the Girl Scouts Headquarters
in Savannah when I toured the city in 2000, and reminder of its founder,
Juliette Gordon Low.

A scout during my youth, I have cherished memories of being a part of
the first black Girl Scouts in Pine Bluff, Arkansas, founded by my
beloved fourth grade teacher at St. Peter's Catholic School, Miss Doretha
Daniels. This was 1944-1945. My sister, Jettie, and lifelong friend, Marinda were
part of this group. I remember singing songs that were foreign to me and
still remember to this day, like "Over in Killarney, an Irish Lullaby.

Who could forget those once a year awesome Girl Scout cookies? My
favorite became the shortbread. I have no idea what became of my
badge or pin. I regret there are no pictures. Cameras were rare in those
days.

I am sure I learned a lot of valuable life lessons, but it is the friendships
and relationships I remember the most.

Visited By An Angel

 Remember the popular CBS television show, Touched by an Angel, starring Della Reese, Roma Downey, and John Dye? I especially enjoyed the show because of its decisively candid religious theme. Angels from God visited humans on earth in a variety of roles. The angels brought hope and inspiration to those at the crossroads of life or facing tragedy with the message to "turn to God." The show started a fad of angel pins wearers.

 I had learned about angels in Sunday School. I knew angels served as messengers from God in the Old and New Testament. Sometimes, the angels appeared directly or in dreams or spoke from heaven. The biblical accounts most familiar to me were:
. the angel calling out to Hagar in the desert, with her son, fleeing Sarah
. the angel annunciation of the Christ child to Mary
. the angel annunciation of the ressurection of Jesus to Mary Magdalene and the other women

 I knew some angels were cherubims and seraphins whose role was to glorify and worship God. Others brought warnings and recompense. I learned that I had a personal guardian angel whose job was to guard and protect me.

 In 1997, when I retired from the V A Medical Center, the wife of a veteran gave me an angel pin as a retirement gift. The pin remained in its original wrapping until May 2004. Earlier in May of that year, I had attended a "Blessed Among Women" Conference where each woman was presented an angel pin in an Angel Pinning Ceremony. So, I asked myself, "When were you visited by an angel?"
Four experiences came to mind:

 During my sophomore year in college, my mother warned me not to ride with a boy, named Joe Lowery. Joe had returned from the Korean Conflict. One day, Joe arrived on campus, between classes, during Spring Quarter, and invited me for a ride. Immediately, on to Highway 79 North, Joe accelerated to a high rate of speed. The tires hit the gravel on the right shoulder. The car flipped upside down, blocking the highway in both directions. I could smell and feel oil, fuel, and sand falling in my hair. The impact of the crash had thrown me into the rear of the car. My first thought was, "I'm trapped, there is going to be an explosion." I pushed against the right rear door and it flew open. I had no injuries. My guardian angel had been on duty and protected me.

  While a social work field placement student at Cook County Hospital in Chicago, I took the El for a patient home visit. I got off at the wrong station. Suddenly, and out of no where, a white man rushed towards me to attack. Two white women pelted him with rocks and he fled. My guardian angel was on duty.

 On July 5, 2000, I was transferring betweeen flights at Lambert Airport in St. Louis, from the D
to the C Concourse. When I stepped on to the UP Escalators, people ahead of me suddenly began to fall backward, with their luggage, like a house of cards. It seemed surreal. My mind sensed the
danger although I was calm. I fell backward and could not get us. There was no escape. I thought I would be crushed. In a flash, a big man rushed on the scene, picked me up, and carried me to safety.
My guardian angel had visited me.

 The Bible teaches that angels watch over God's people (Luke 15:10). "For he will command his angels to guard you in all your ways." (Psalm 91:11)

 I also recall a time of extra- sensory perception of danger. The feeling suggested grave danger was present. This was in 1975 when my husband and I were attempting to engage a taxi, during the early morning hours at the airport in Monrovia, Liberia. We had flown to Monrovia from Nairobi. I said to Fred "If we go in this taxi, we'll never be heard of again." We got out of the taxi and reboarded the Pam Am plane to Ghana. My guardian angel was on duty.

  Perhaps, we do not give enough credit to our guardian angel or thank God for the ministering work of the angels.